college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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