if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
