I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize