Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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