Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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