I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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