i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
