She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
