u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
