I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
