Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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