Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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