It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
