the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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