cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize