those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
