I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
