So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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