my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize