We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
