home. puking in laundry basket.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
