It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
