I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
