it wasn't lemon gatorade
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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