So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
my poor anus
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
