Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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