I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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