Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i think i scared a bird with my dick
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Randomize
