She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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