You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
