She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
