at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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