Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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