I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
