I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
