So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
