Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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