he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
