party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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