Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
