So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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