did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
