If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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