yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
