A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
