Apparently you make a good broom.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
