you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
