tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
