U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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