Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
