I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
