I'm going to rape someone's good day.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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