At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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