Where did you get a picture of my penis
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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