I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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