I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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