I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
