I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize