"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
