i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
