I accidentally burped into my bong.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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