it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
tell me about the eggs
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