please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
