smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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