Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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