He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
