if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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