your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
