You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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