That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
