I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
