Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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