Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
