her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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