i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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