I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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