I just pynch a tree in the face
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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