i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
