i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
