Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize