if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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