I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
