I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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