Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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