I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My vagina just recognized that song.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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