i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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