when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
