it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
