Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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