so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
