my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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