Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Drunk is not a location!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
