sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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