I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
