There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
