Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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