that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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