I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
of course. lets lasso hookers.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
