i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
