He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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