Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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