Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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